Under a Table
by demigod39cluesfan
Summary: Based on both the light novels and the anime. Akihisa finds himself in a weird situation after being dragged out for crepes by Minami. Who will he meet, and will his "frenemies" report him to the FFF!


"Aki, thanks for bringing me here today."

_(I had no choice…. My arm was going to fall off.)_

"It was really sweet of you."

_(It still hurts… owww)_

"Aki! Answer me!" Minami shouted as Akihisa's arm was twisted behind him.

"AGH! I'M SORRY! Not the other one…" Akihisa mumbled.

Let's start from the beginning. Akihisa had let it slip during class that he had nothing to do on Saturday and a little extra cash. It so happens that Himeji Mizuki was going to an apple farm with her family that day. So Minami had jumped at the chance to spend quality time with Aki while her rival and friend was out.

One arm twist and a German suplex later, he agreed to take her to a little café for crepes.

"I want to order the strawberry/ whipped cream crepe combo with syrup." Minami grinned.

_(That's the most expensive thing on the menu! I have to stop her…)_

"Um, Minami, you shouldn't get that. I heard it, uh… makes your breasts smaller. Well, if they can get smaller-"

"DIE, AKI!"

"Agh!"

Minami jumped on Akihisa, which sent them rolling under a nearby table. They hit the wall, since the table was right next to it, and were a little dazed.

"Oww…"

"No more making fun of my breasts, Aki! They'll grow, I know it…" Minami started mumbling to herself.

Akihisa started to get out from under the table, but he was stopped when he heard a familiar voice.

"…Table for two, please."

"Of course. Right this way, please."

Muttsurini. And he was coming to this table.

Akihisa scooted back to the wall, next to Minami.

"C'mon, Aki, let's get out of here." Minami began to scoot out, but stopped when Akihisa pulled her back to the wall.

"No! Muttsurini's out there and he will report me to the FFF for going out for crepes with you! We have to stay here!" Akihisa whispered fearfully. Minami started to argue, but then the waitress spoke.

"Here you are. Is the second person in your party coming later?"

"… Yes."

"Alright then. I'll be back to take your orders."

"…Thanks."

Muttsurini pulled back one of the chairs and sat on it, leaving Akihisa to scoot to the side to avoid being touched by his legs.

It hadn't been a minute when Akihisa heard a cheerful, feminine voice.

"Hey, Muttsurini-kun~! Did you wait long?"

Akihisa almost gasped, but covered his mouth. When he looked over, he saw that Minami had widened eyes. Since they were covered by the tablecloth, Akihisa could only see shoes as they sat in a chair, but he knew that the cheerful voice belonged to Kudou Aiko, from Class A.

_(Wait… Muttsurini is meeting with Aiko? What universe is this? And with a girl! Should I report him to the FFF? Or keep this as blackmail…)_

Akihisa's dark thoughts were interrupted with the waitress taking Muttsurini and Aiko's orders. There was a moment of silence.

Then Muttsurini spoke.

"…About our deal-"

He was interrupted by Aiko. "Ha-ha! Straight to the point, huh, Muttsurini-kun?"

The waitress came back with what Akihisa assumed were crepes. Aiko started eating, but Muttsurini hadn't moved.

"Mmm! This is really good~ Have some Muttsurini-kun!"

"…No. I will not eat from your fork. This isn't a date. Strictly business."

"Fine. Suit yourself!" Then Aiko kept eating, making "this is really good" sounds.

At this point, Akihisa was about to burst with curiosity. What deal? Business? What was this pervert from Class F doing with a pervert from Class A?

"…The photos. Do you have them?"

Aiko sighed, seemingly depressed. "Yes. It really was careless of you to leave them at the girls locker room.

"…I wasn't feeling well."

"What will you do to get them back?" Aiko said seductively.

"…I have pictures of Akihisa in a maid outfit. Very high-quality."

_(That bastard….where did he get those?! I thought I burned them!)_

While Akihisa was fuming, Minami was angry, too. _I thought I had every one of those! He was hiding the best ones? I'll kill him!_

"Fu Fu~ While I am very intrigued, that's not enough."

"…Then what will it take?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind seeing you in a maid outfit." Aiko giggled.

"…You did at the cross dressing event."

"Oh, that's right! Although, it was really hot in there, I could just feel sweat coming all over my body-"

"…I feel sick."

Something wet dripped from the table and onto the floor. The white tablecloth was stained with streaks of red.

"What an imagination you have, Muttsurini-kun! Are you okay?"

"…I'm fine. What will it really take?"

"Okay! My deal-breakers are these: This is a date. You will call it a date. You will act like it's a date. At the end, if I feel like this was a date, I'll give you your pictures back."

"…You really are despicable."

"Well? Is it a deal?"

"…"

"…"

"…What's the point?"

"To see if you are worthy of these pictures."

Minami knew this wasn't the real reason, but Muttsurini was an idiot, so he'd probably buy it.

"….Fine…"

"Great! Now let's continue eating, hm?"

"…Okay."

"Here." Aiko pointed the fork with crepe on it at Muttsurini. He just looked at it. "Here." She said more insistently. Muttsurini sighed deeply and ate it off of the fork.

"Aww, its like we had an indirect kiss!"

"ACK-"

Even more red on the table and on the floor. Akihisa had to resist the urge to laugh, or even rescue his perverted friend.

"…Kudou, don't say things like-"

"Aha! I know what this is missing!"

"…Mm?"

"Calling me by my family name is business-like, not date-like! So~Call me Aiko."

"…This is busin-"

"You agreed."

Another deep sigh. "…Fine, 'Aiko.'"

Akihisa was going to die. Of many things. The first being of laughter. Muttsurini being teased and pushed around by Aiko was always a fun show.

The second being of Minami. Her eyes were kind of glistening in that "this is adorable" way. If she had the same expectations as Aiko, Akihisa would be toast.

"…We're finished with our food. I'm going."

"Wait for me!" Aiko scrambled from her chair to follow him. Akihisa peeked from underneath the tablecloth, and saw that she had grabbed Muttsurini's hand. He just stared straight ahead, but didn't let go.

"Aww… that's really cute. I would ship them." Minami whispered from next to him.

"What?" Akihisa asked confused.

"Girl stuff." Minami blushed.

"Let's get out from under-"

"…Table for one teenager and an unconscious body."

Akihisa dove back under the table. Crap! Now it was Yuuji and Shouko?

Wait…..

_(Yuuji and Shouko? The FFF will have his head… perfect blackmail for me! Now I've got dirt on Muttsurini AND Yuuji…)_

Shouko took a seat while Yuuji's body was plopped on the seat. The sound of handcuffs being attached from Yuuji's hand to the table could be heard.

Shouko ordered for both of them a blueberry crepe and syrup.

"Wha… at…" Yuuji finally woke up.

"Yuuji."

"Shouko? Where'd you drag me?! I thought I said I wanted to be alone!"

"You will never be alone because you have me, Yuuji."

"Ugh… Wait… WHY AM I HANDCUFFED TO THE TABLE?"

"Just in case you thought you wanted to be alone."

Yuuji grumbled and stuffed his face with crepe. Something was bothering him (other than the handcuffs and kidnapping.).

_(I feel a negative presence…which isn't good because I'm with Shouko. It can't be the FFF, because they would have outright attacked me…. so, an ally of them? It has to be someone in F Class, because it feels like an idiot. It would either be Muttsurini if Akihisa because Hideyoshi isn't hostile. Where could they be…?)_

A loud crash sounded. A glass had fallen by their table because a waitress had slipped.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't see that puddle of… is that blood?"

Yuuji's head turned quickly at that. He looked at the floor. Among the broken glass, blood in enormous amounts covered the floor. That could only mean one thing.

"MUTTSURINI!" Yuuji shouted, eyes scanning the shop.

"Yuuji. Be quiet." Shouko said, pulling Yuuji's ear. "You're disturbing the other customers. Let's go."

Shouko then proceeded to pull Yuuji's ear and led them out of the shop. But since Yuuji was still attached to the table, he brought it with them.

While the table was screeching away, Yuuji looked back and saw Akihisa with Minami sitting where the table was. His eyes widened.

"AKIHISA, YOU WILL DIE ON MONDAY!"

"Yuuji, quiet." Shouko growled, pulling out a taser.

"No, Shouko-" BZZT~

Akihisa breathed a sigh of relief. He had survived.

* * * * *(pagebreak)* * * * * * *

"Good morning, everyone!" Akihisa smiled, arriving at F Class on Monday.

"Yoshii…."

"Eh?"

"You have sinned! Prepare to DIE!" The FFF Inquisition shouted.

_(Damn it! Yuuji must've gotten to them before I could have! Very well… I shall take him down with me!)_

"IT WASN'T JUST ME! YUUJI AND MUTTSURINI WENT OUT WITH GIRLS, TOO!"

Red, beady eyes turned to stare at Muttsurini and Yuuji, who were sitting in the corner.

"I will take you guys down with me!" Akihisa shouted.

"…Betrayal...!..." Muttsurini growled.

"Akihisa, you bastard!"

"YOU ARE TO BE EXECUTED, HERETICS!"

_**THE END**_


End file.
